Sora Shorts
by Zion Fyre
Summary: A series of short 1 or 2 pages, oneshots with Sora and the others. Maybe some spoilers. Did you know Sora hates staring? And tennis may not be gay after all! Should Selphie wear a short skirt? This is my comic relief in life. Doesn't have to be yours.
1. 01  Blind Cats

_The beginning of many short (1-2 pages), one-shots of Sora and his friends. Sadly, everything recorded is all based on reality. Yes, these are actually one-shots from my own life. Not entirely me, but also, and mostly, people in my life._

* * *

_**RaNdOm ThOuGhT:**_ It's really funny to watch people laugh when they're on the ground. All you see their head shake.

_**Semi... normal thought:**_

Blind cats are scary.

Seriously, they are freaky.

Kairi has a blind cat. It's name is Mocha. It has these big, blue marble eyes and it's really fluffy.

All Mocha does is stare. She just sits there... and stares at me.

I was taking a nap on the couch at Kairi's house and I woke up... to Mocha sitting on top of the couch staring down at me.

My first thought was to shove it off and laugh, but that would be mean, because Mocha is blind. I have sympathy for the stupid, creepy, blind cat that stares at me.

"Sora, be nice to Mocha," Kairi tells me. "It's not like she does it on purpose. She looks where sound comes from."

"MAKE IT STOP!" I scream at her, and wave my arms wildly in the air.

Mocha just stares.

I'd probably do the same if I saw some idiot doing that... but she can't see anyway, so that makes it creepy.

* * *

_I should probably explain... These last couple of weeks, my life has been stressful and full of change. One day, a friend of mine who is now living with me started freaking out over some minor things and instead of getting annoyed at her, I started cracking up. And so... I realized I must write down what she did because that was the only comic relief I had._

_We went back and read them later and laughed so hard. I thought I might share those moments with you. Only... I then realized also that you might not think these stories are funny because they might be "you had to be there" kinda stories._

_Oh well. You get to read them anyway._

_-Kat- _


	2. 02  Riku's FWord

_Sorry. This one and the rest will be in third person, unlike the first one I made. It just seemed too perfect as Sora's POV.  
_

* * *

_**RaNdOm ThOuGhT:**_ Life's short. What about your truck?

_**Semi... normal thought:**_

Riku ran downstairs screaming something about wee and pee, and some other random thoughts. He raced into the bathroom, leaving Sora to his reading in peace.

Suddenly, out of the silence, Riku screamed from the bathroom, "I HAVE A TUMOR!"

Sora tried very hard to ignore the sounds coming from the bathroom, but Riku continued, "EWWWWWW!!!"

"I really don't want to know what your doing in the bathrom..." Sora shuddered from the thought of it.

"TUMOR!!! Flah...Flah Flah Flah!"

Sora frowned, looking up once more from his reading to stare at the bathroom door. Riku emerged calmly, a dopy look on his face.

"We got any fruit roll ups?"

"Riku? What the heck is 'Flah'?"

"Oh. That's my f-word."


	3. 03  Flies Suck

_**RaNdOm ThOuGhT:**_ Pens that don't work should be illegal.

_**Semi... normal thought:**_

Sora ran through Kairi's kitchen like a madman, a fly swatter in hand.

"AH!!!"

Kairi sat on the seat beside the bay window, quietly as always, reading. She didn't bother to look up as Sora screamed, running past her. His arms flailed at the air, his tactics for whatever seeming pointless.

Riku dug through the pantry, pulling out chips and some other fattening but oh-so-delicious junk food. The kind worth dying for.

"AHH!!!" Sora ran into Riku, spilling the chips all over the floor. The white tile was now dusted with crunchy triangles and fire engine red powder.

"Sora, what the..." Riku began to whine, but Sora clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Sh, sh, sh, sh... they're here..."

Riku looked at Sora uneasily. Sora let him go and jumped up on the counter, crouching like a panther preparing to attack, flyswatter posed in his hand, ready to swing.

Kairi was now staring at him dumbly, as if she were staring at a blue monkey.

"FLIES!" Sora screamed and leaped off the counter, arms waving, fly swatter swatting at the air.

Kairi looked back at her book as Sora crashed to the floor.


	4. 04 Cat Hair

Cat-hair Mattress 

_So, it looks like this one will be Sora's POV. Hopefully, I will stop switching back and forth. Otherwise, I'll just let you know ahead of time._

_**RaNdOm ThOuGhT:**_ If summer is yellow, and winter is blue, what color is fall?

_**Semi... normal thought: **_

Kairi's repainting her room. It's going to be purple. In the meantime, there's a mattress on the ground in her dining room.

Riku, Kairi, and me were laying on the mattress, staring at the ceiling because it's too hot out to do anything and we're tired... Suddenly, Missy, Kairi's calico short-hair cat, walked onto the mattress.

Missy is not creepy and doesn't stare at you, nor is she blind. Instead, she glares at you and is moody. I guess that's what most calicoes are like.

"Hey, Kitty," I squeaked out at the calico, hoping it didn't decide to glare. Today, though, Missy was pleasantly drugged for behavioral problems. So, clinical medicine, not catnip. Missy on catnip... she's one of those "mean drunks."

The pleasantly drugged Missy mewed softly and walked between Kairi and me, and Kairi began to pet the cat. Missy purred, laid down, and everything was going well... until I saw soft little pieces of fluff floating... up... and then down... toward... me...

"AH! CAT HAIR!!! AH!" I squealed and jumped off the mattress.

Riku and Kairi stared at me. So did Mocha.

"Stop staring at me!" I yelled at them, pointing. "Fine! I'll find something else cat-hair free to lay on... like... AHA!"

I found a bench that had been put against the wall. A very hard, wooden bench. BUT! There was no hair on it. Jackpot...!

_Two minutes later of silence..._

"Happy with your hardwood bed?" Riku asked.

Kairi and Riku were on the happy, soft mattress.

"Shut up! If it wasn't for that cat-hair, I'd kick both of you! Just enjoy your cat-hair mattress."


	5. 05 Tennis And Job Cults

Things Sora Does Because He has No Life

-Joining Tennis

Tennis, the kinda gay sport in which partners hit each others balls over a net.

Riku does tennis.

Riku's cool, but a little depressing. All he does is sit there and watch TV... by himself. Every day. And play tennis. It makes me wonder... Tennis is such a girly game. Sora got a racket. It's name is Blueberry. It's blue.

"Sora, set your racket down on the floor and help me move my mattress up to my room!"

Sora looked around at the carpet. "... Blueberry doesn't like cat fur."

Kairi threw down her mattress... and it landed right on Sora, flattening him to the floor. "Sora, DROP IT! YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE CAT HAIR!!"

She quickly returned to her senses and pulled off the mattress, muttering apologies to him. He grumbled and turned his head. The sun was shining through a big window into the room. In fact, right on him.

He grumbled, "Ugh, stupid light. You can see all the cat hair..."

-Get A Job

It seems at a certain age, all your friends join a frightening and horrible cult: the JOB cult.

Once all your friends cross into the job cult, they no longer want to hang out with you.

"Hey, Riku! Wanna go to the movies?"

"Sure, Kairi! How about you, Sora?"

"Yeah! Oh... I don't have any money..."

Riku and Kairi are quiet.

"Would you guys mind..."

Kairi hugs Sora. "Well, we're going to be late. See you, Sora!"

"Yeah, bye!"

They run out, leaving Sora by himself.

You see, when you don't have a job, everyone has to pay for you. And when they have to pay for you all the time, they start to hate to have to tell you they're doing something. Because you'll want to go. And they'll have to pay.

So Sora got a job at SuperSub. And now he's in the cult.


	6. 06 Oreo Crust

Making oreo cake...

In grocery stores, there are no-bake pie/cake things where all you do is add one simple ingredient to the bag of powdery-ness and BAM! You have yummy food that you made by doing practically nothing. But it's good.

Also in the box, you have a bag of crumbs to make the crust of your pie/cake thing. But the really lazy yet incredibly smart people will by already made crust in a pie tin. That is what Kairi did. Not because she's lazy, though. She saved time for herself.

So, while making the yummy pie/cake thing, Kairi threw out the bag for the crust.

"What do you do with the crust bag?" Sora asked innocently.

She busied herself pouring in the powder and the milk in a bowl to mix it. "We throw it away."

"AH!" Sora screamed, almost making Kairi drop the bowl.

"What, Sora?"

He ran to the garbage can, flipped it over and starts digging. A few minutes later, he emerged, crust bag in hand. He raised it over his head.

"Triumph!" he shouted and put it on the counter. "I shall find a way to use this delicious oreo crustness!"

And the delicious ice-creamy goodness was born.


	7. 07 Ice Creamy Goodness

Riku gets no ice cream.

_**RaNdOm ThOuGhT:**_ Wait... is it any coincidence that we put "seasonings" on our food... and we EAT food to live... and yet, SEASONS themselves dictate our lives with their ever-changing ways...?

Ow... I just got a brain cramp.

_**Semi... normal thought: **_

Because it was so hot outside, I decide to make some yummy treats made out of ice cream and oreos. I made about 8, so me, Riku, and Kairi could have 2 each. Which leaves... 2 left, right?

Ha... left, right...

Anyway.

Kairi wanted to invite Selphie to hang out. We were actually going to meet her at the courts to play tennis. So, I made some for her.

Kairi and me sat around at her house, my ice creamy goodness in her freezer. Ten minutes and Riku isn't there.

Half an hour... an hour...

No Riku.

Selphie probably gave up, thinking we ditched her.

Kairi was on the cat-fur mattress, staring at the ceiling. I was sitting on her stairs.

I couldn't take it anymore! This was stupid.

"Screw Riku. He doesn't get any ice cream. Me and you will get the last of the ice cream!"

Kairi turned her head and looked at me.

"Are we screwing Selphie then, too?"

"Yes."

"Well, you can screw her yourself. I'm staying out of that one."

Her mind had gone where no mind of mine has ever gone before...

"... SHUT UP!"

So we enjoyed the last of the ice creamy goodness. And Riku eventually called.

ARG! All I wanted was an apology from Riku for standing me up at Tennis. Instead, all I got was "it's not my fault I tried to call I left a message..." GAH! Guys are so stupid...

Wait... that was such a chick thing to say...


	8. 08 Kairi Writes FanFictions

Kairi writes fanfics on her laptop.

Selphie, pointing over Kairi's shoulder at the laptop screen: "Are you gonna put it in there? Are you gonna put it in there? You have to put it in there. You CANNOT leave it out. Put it in there!"

Sora wandered around Kairi's girly room as he narrated Kairi as she wrote, like Stranger Than Fiction.

"Faster, faster, faster she types! She has acquired the gleam in her eyes that said it all: she had an idea that poured from her fingers onto the laptop. There the determined look spreads across her face. Still deep in thought, she types. What must it be like inside her mind? What intrigue and ideas lie inside? Now she contemplates... perhaps it is ways to kill Sora with various and very blunt objects. What is this smirk? What does... HEY! Kairi, are you writing everything I'm saying?! What the heck! Stop it!"


End file.
